This month seems to have just whisked by. I tryed to hold into it tight and not let it pass me by like the last 15 years of my life just seem to have whisked by. But inevitably it did…. so here we are approaching August. The declaration of another year of my life gone by uneventfully. My birth date encroaching on my life, and one else seems to be dreading it as much as I am. This year I decided to be the age I actually am rather then trying to push it ahead with the infamous “I’m 5 but I will be 6 in 11 months” line. Sad it took me 30 plus years to stop doing that. But even though I stopped saying it I still think it. Why???? I ask my self on the reg… why? Being the baby of the family, wanting to be regarded, respected, acknowledged and I think with age some how miraculously I will be rendered more respectable come the next August 24th then I was the last. Not realizing till now that, I will be the author of my own legacy. Its a hard lesson to learn when at this age most people are already halfway thru there lives and then there is me. I have learned this lesson but i have nothing to show for it no career , no children. Every year around this same time I vent off this same thesis about myself and kick myself in the pants that I havent made any progress. The story is yet again the same.
But this isn’t even what is wanted to talk about not as outwardly as that, but I wanted to talk about hope. That dispite the things listed above and many more. Although time seems to be running away from me, I desire to hold out hope that things will get better. I think its human nature that make us hope into something. Because if there was no hope then what would be the point of all this? Struggles, sufferings, hardships, trials and tribulations called life.
I dread this winter that is coming quickly, I tryed to appreciate each day of summer that is going by so quickly. But my hope for this winter is that things will change and as I stated before….I am the author of my own legacy. I hope the plans and goals I have set will take hold this winter and It will be different and better.