Day 20 Identify Your Negative Beliefs

Caution we are going to delve into some highly personal and emotional, deep and heavy stuff here. So if you have a weak stomach, I suggest you hold out for tomorrow’s post.

I’m sure as you’ve gathered by this title we are stepping today, in unchartered territory. Scary-ville. The deepest darkest areas of the mind, that are the hardest and most hurtful areas to charter. I will be gleaning from various sources to try to draw a Straight enough line though this process.

Negative Beliefs are the thoughts that limit you in some way. In science they are have proven that when something becomes your belief system, you begin to have nervous system responses to those things. Much like our fight or flight responses. Regardless if these limiting beliefs are true or not, when you believe them then they become true to you.

The guiding steps for today’s challenge are the following:

  1. Find you limiting beliefs
  2. Determine why they exist
  3. Identify what your brain is gaining from them
  4. Poke holes in those limiting beliefs
  5. Poke holes in the evidence
  6. Brainstorm new evidence

Photo credit unsplash

I am going to share this story with the world because I have been working on letting go of one huge limiting belife, and I feel like by putting in out there, (one of my biggest fears) will help me irraticate my BIGGEST fear. Or also help someone irraticate theres.

If you’ve ever listen to Tony Robins he, him self always starts out his Life Coaching sessions with a few guiding questions, to help you get to the root of the problem. One of his main ones is; What is your earliest memory of your unique limiting belife? He says that most emotions derive from one or two or both places. A sense of fear or a sense of lose.

Here’s the story: My earliest memory of a relationship and fear was my parents. I was less than 4 and they got into some big old argument. I’m talking rage.

What I will say next will paint the picture of an abusive home, but I love my parents who are both very imperfect human beings, who love there children enough to work on there problems. Nevertheless there problems did leave scars. Back to the story.

I remember my dad pick up a stool and made like he was going to throw it at my mom while she clutched me in her arms. I remember her saying your scaring the baby, and I recall reving up the fear, thinking if I acted (and I say act for lack of a better word, because I was truly scared) scared enough he wouldn’t throw the chair. I have no idea what the argument was about, even to this day, but he was pretty enraged. He did end up putting the stool down. I don’t remember what took place after that.

I know that since then I have carried fear like a safety blanket. I believe that it may have even started before that but that’s a whole other blog post. I also carried strangely, the desire to be in a relationship but not just a relationship, an irrationally perfect relationship. We will get to that in a moment.

From this fear my brain gained safety, comfort and complacency. If I mustered up enough fear I got out of social events, public speaking in school and in the future too. Fear got me out of school, because I would make myself sick over things. Fear also kept me away from things I wanted to do. Things I saw others doing, and I would get so burning jealous. Like dance club in 5th grade still, to this day I regret not joining.

On Day 3 of this challenge I talked about an epiphany that I had while decluttering my notebooks and journals. One that I wrote where I was so hurt and I still felt it deeply when I read it that day. I since have gotten rid of that note book in efforts to start moving forward. So, without delving to deep into past hurt. I realized that I was holding on to the desire to be in a perfect relationship. I wrote about the hurt that I felt that, that relationship never became.

I also realised how much I had held myself back because only when that relationship materialized would I truly be able to start living. Getting rid of physical stuff helped me realize, how much I chose to live though my stuff then through real life. It opened me up to the why I held on to these things and the fact that I was holding on to them at all.

I wasn’t actually desiring a relationship. I was deeply afraid of ending up in a horrible relationship. It would remind me of that turmultuous time in my mom and dad’s relationship. The messed up thing about that is, as much as I feared being in a bad relationship those are the very kind of relationships I was manifesting.

I realized I was drawing all kinds of negative beliefs into my life from the basis of fear and fear of the worse case scenario relationship. Such as self defeating thoughts that I wasn’t lovable. Which manifested a relationship were I was cheated on. I mentioned that because that one hurt the worse.

The others I think I just manifested goofballs, because it was easy to justify not staying with them. If I never stayed in a relationship they could never get close enough to hurt me. Crazy right?

I’m shy, bullshit, I always knew I was never shy. Introverted yes, but not shy. I posed behind shyness so I’d never have to put myself out there, and disguised my true fears behind this so called “shyness.”

This is just to name a few, but, nevertheless this was not hard to say but it has been hard to acknowledge, because if I remove fear from my vocabulary there is a wide open space where a lot of things I identified with used to be. It’s been uncomfortable and scary but I know it’s great! I don’t get to worry anymore and that’s uncomfortable,I made friends with worry. But, she no longer serves me.

My journey is long from over. But, I know I have made a ton of progress. This weekend I was asked to speak at an event. Those old fears in my head were saying “no thank you, that’s not my thing.” But I found myself saying yes… yep I can’t believe it either! My limiting beliefs were screaming at me to back out.

I asked myself to stand in my fears. I knew this talk was not for me, it was for something greater than me. But it was also for me. To conquer my fears, to grow and become the person I want to be. Even if I never speak publicly again. I know I did it. I know I can do it.

So as I stepped to the podium sweaty palmed and heart pounding out of my chest. It all disappeared when I looked out into the crowd and remembered that this is for something greater then myself.

This week and I am well pleased to report that I gave the best speech I have ever given and it felt so amazing. Never thought I’d be saying that!

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