When I was young I was always called shy. I will admit, I probably had a bit of social anxiety now that; that felling actually has a name. After much introspection and research, now in my adult life I very aggressively conclude that I am an introvert. The Myers Briggs personality test gave me the result that I was 96% richly introverted.
In my adolescent years I always just said I didn’t like people. Nothing personal, people are just to complicated. I nixed the shy stamped and called myself “reserved”. I reserve my comment or my input, I was deathly afraid of public speaking , I’d rather be in the shadows, the token wallflower. Speaking only when I was moved to and having as strong opinions as I did, It wasnt hard to move me. I decidedly wasn’t “quiet ” I just reserved the right to speak when I wanted to.
My first job as an adult was a receptionist phone answering type job and I was forced to not be so socially awkward. Although I’m still somewhat socially awkward, telling people they own money on something strengthen my dislike for people. I can confirm, however, I have grown to love some people. However, I do love my solitude more, or let’s call it my me time.
The clincher is when the loner feels lonely, there really is something to human connection. During this period of social isolation more then the social isolation it’s self. I feel isolated cause even the community that I’ve lived and worked in. Even though we still remotely comunicate. Tecnology at its finest. Even when we see neighbors and wave a friendly “hey ya!” form across the walk. Not seeing nor interacting with the same people whom I craved to get away from at the end of the day has struck me. That sounds crazy I know. It actually physically hurt not to see family for an extended amount of time. The things we took so for granted now realizing we want it or maybe possibly even need it is the most intriguing thing I have ever experienced.
Ironically, I have even felt a sense of loneliness when I realize those I have spoken to on the topic of covid19 in and of its self, all have differing views on the condition of this world, as it is. There are very few of us who believe it is just what they say it is coronavirus “the plague.”a pandemic.
This is something I wasn’t expecting it’s hard to find anyone to talk to about the basics of what is going on. There are alot of conspiracy theorist out there. I don’t know if it is denial, or what but connection on a deeper level is something introverts thrive on. This situation as a whole deserves a deeper conversation. When it’s a struggle to find that conversation it can be a lonely experiance.
As soon as I realized what I was feeling was loneliness, I immediately worked to shake it off who are you kidding you like your solitude remember? But now with a better understanding of myself I also need people. After all no man is an island.
I prioritize my time now, to do more of what I love. Writing, reading and yes reaching out to the ones who talk to my soul. I have a daily mind, body, soul regimen that I promised myself not to be wishy washy with and the loneliness is nolonger a wound, but an indicator to the beauty of being human. As much as we try to dis prove it we are all interconnected.